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This is a simple plan with steps to take to get out of a bad relationship.
Don't wait for things to get better because they never will. People don't change. Some women will not leave and say "Oh it is not that bad." Why, because he has not killed you yet? Don't be another woman addicted to abuse. Take action now, if not for yourself do it for your children and grandchildren to stop the cycle of violence generation after generation. Otherwise they will become like a magnet attracting the same type of abusive relationships that are filled with pain and misery. Stop and think, is that what you want for your beautiful children and grandchildren?   

It helps to know the signs of domestic violence

It is not easy to identify abuse, especially at first perhaps because love is blind. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the start, abuse often starts slowly and gets worse over time. For example, abuse may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior. Abusers are very skilled con artists that are looking for good people that will believe their lies. They will take you on a wild ride and suck you dry in every way possible. As it gets worse, the abuse gets more frequent, severe
or violent. As the cycle of abuse escalates, your safety or the safety of your children may be in danger. Your partner might
apologize and say that this behavior won't happen again but rest assured it will. It is a red flag so it is time to leave! The 
longer you stay in an abusive relationship the less likely it is that you will ever get out.

Many women stay in an abusive relationship for the rest of their lives. They are miserable and they  make everyone around
them miserable as well. The daily hostile environment that these women accept for themselves is terrible but it is even worse
for their children. That is because children that grow up in a violent household will automatically attract similar situation that
they grew up in. That is because they think this is love since they don't know anything else and they have been conditioned to 
think that this is normal. Therefore, the cycle of domestic violence continues generation after generation. Needless to say,
this causes a great deal of pain and suffering for families. Knowing that, let's break the cycle of domestic violence in the 
family and get out of the relationship. 

Domestic violence happens mostly to teenage girls and women of all backgrounds, races, religions, economic or nationalities.
Horrible violence and abuse against women continues and it's a worldwide problem. As many as 4 million women suffer
abuse from their husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or intimate partners in the United States alone each year. At least three
women and killed per day in the United States as a result of domestic violence. Yes, domestic violence does sometimes
result in murder and YOU could be next if you are in a troubled relationship! Although domestic violence happens mostly to women there are about 4% of men in the United States who call in to National Hotlines because they claim to be a victim of domestic violence. Is it possible that most people on this planet came from the planet Mars which would explain why many people just want sex and war? In any event, human beings have a real poor track record of being nice to each other.

Are You Ready For Healing? Watch This And Share It With Others Living With Abuse

Here are some of the most common early red flags that you are in an abusive relationship if the person does any of the following:                             .............Run Baby, Run!

• Makes you feel worthless
• Tells you he loves you
  
• Wants to control what you wear, how you do your hair and make up
  
• Accuses you of an affair
• Intimidates you, treatens to hurt you or the children
• Gets physical hits you or kicks you
• Attempts to isolate you from your family and friends
• Threatens to hurt themselves if they don't get what they want
• They try to control what you do or who you see
• Attempts to control the money
• Forces you into unwanted sex

• Overly nice and too charming in the beginning
• Stalks you or calls you constantly. Yeah, this stalker comes popping out of the bushes where you least expect it.
  
• Takes you shopping and buyes clothes, etc., for you too soon after you meet him to please you and win you over
• Some abusers expect you always to pay for everything even when they invite you out for a lavish dinner
• Abuser gets intensly involved with you too fast and expects sex right away
• Wants to move in with you too soon
• Wants to share all things including finances too quickly even though he does not bring anything to the table
• Abuser wants you to marry him as soon as possible while he is also proposing to other women at the same time
• Steals your money or credit cards
• Abuser orders movies and sport shows on cable without asking you first. Abuser also makes endless long 
distance and international calls on your phone and you know nothing about it until the bills arrive sky high!
• Emotionally unstable and insecure and blames you for his problems
• Abuser is very nervous around you and avoids eye contact because he is cheating or lying to you
• Most of the things the abuser tells you about himself is a pile of lies and extreme exaggerations
• Abuser demands a great deal of attention because he must to be the most important, even sometimes too needy
• Irresponsible person who is really looking for a mom to do it all for him - the true "Gigalo"
• Some Abusers hide behind a Ph.D., a Professor, or any other respectable title that society gives them. Don't be
  fooled by that mask as they are just as messed up as the rest of them or worse. Sometimes they are thieves, gays, 
  bigamist and extremely corrupt, manipulative white crime offenders that are still in hiding.
• Abuser loves drama and talks about his ex-intimate relationships and how abusively she ripped him apart.
• Abuser had an abusive childhood so you might want to dig and ask shortly after meeting them how their childhood was.
• Abuser needs to know where you go but you should not ask where he is even if he does not come home at night
• Abuser might be a stalker who knows your every move and keeps a constant eye on everything you do

You probably are a victim of abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Controls finances, so you have to ask for money  
• Abuser delays paying the bills such as heating bill until the last minute to make you worried
• Looks at you or acts in angry ways that scare you
• Shouts and yells at you with rage to scare you
• Emotionally unstable and blames you for his problems
• Abuser is very nervous around you because he is hiding something such as an affair
• Abuser is too much at work after hours or so he tells you but he is actually having an affair
• Acts jealous or possessive, or accuses you of being unfaithful
• Abuser stays at work after hours working or so he tells you but he is out having an affair or calling his ex-wife
• Tries to control how you spend your time, who you see or talk to, where you go or what you wear
• Puts you down and calls you stupid, ugly or fat even though you might not be any of that
• Wants you to get his permission to make everyday decisions
• Mind control freak that controls your every move but it is very hidden and less obvious
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Scares you by driving recklessly or drives with an empty tank of gas to frighten you
• Threatens to kill him or herself
• Threatens to kill you and the kids
• Abuser might be very supressive with you or the kids so no one is really allowed to express themselves.

You are in an abusive relationship if that person does even one of the following:

• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, or chokes you or threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Forces you to have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down in order to break down your self-esteem
• Complains about every meal you make for him no matter how great it is
• Takes your car so you have no transportation for you and the kids and he disconnects the phone
• Prevents you from going to work or school
• Stops you from seeing family members and friends. Abuser talks bad about family members and friends
because he is jealous and  he turns the kids against them too
• Hurts, or threatens to hurt you, your children or pets
• Bullying behavior towards you or the kids and leaves them out or prevents them from going or doing things
• Destroys your property or things
• Controls your access to medicines
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
• Says that his or her abusive behavior is no big deal or even denies doing it
• Tries to force you to drop charges
• Controls you with secrecy, isolation and shame so you have nobody to talk to until it's too late and
  everything explodes and somebody gets hurt or killed. For instance, this could have started with a minor
  financial problem or a jealously situation and then it escalated until it got totally out of hand.
  
• Violent outburst where he attacks you physically and hurts you
• Tries to prevent you from calling the police or seeking medical care

Pregnancy, children and abuse

Pregnancy is a risky time for an abused woman. Not only is your health at risk, but also the health of your 
unborn child. Abuse can begin or may increase during pregnancy. Abusive relationships can also be very
damaging to children, even if they're just witnesses. But for women in an abusive relationship, chances are
much higher that their children also will be a victims of abuse. Well over half of men who abuse their female
partners also abuse their children. Moreover, many studies show that an unborn child is totally aware of and
can remember the turbulence in the home when it was in it's mother's womb during a hypnosis session.

You may worry that seeking help may be more dangerous for you or your children, or that it may break up 
your family. This is the time to leave no matter what because you must protect your children and yourself.

An abusive relationship: It's about power and control

Though there are no typical victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships do share similar characteristics. In all 
cases, the abuser claims power and control over his partner. Power hunger is not love!

Although a lot of people think domestic violence is about anger, it really isn't. It's all about instilling fear and wanting to 
have power and control in the relationship. In an abusive relationship, the abuser may use varying tactics to gain power
and control, including:

• Emotional abuse. Uses put-downs, insults, criticism or name-calling to make you feel bad about yourself.  
  Denial and blame. Denies that the abuse occurs and shifts responsibility for the abusive behavior onto you.  This
  may  leave you confused and unsure of yourself. Women often start believing they are causing it and feel shame
  and guilt so they will not report it.
  
• Intimidation. Uses certain looks, actions or gestures to instill fear. The abuser may break things, destroy 
  property, abuse pets or display weapons.
• Coercion and threats. Threatens to hurt other family members, pets, children or self.
• Power. Makes all major decisions, defines the roles in your relationship, is in charge of the home and social life,
  and treats you like a servant or possession.
• Isolation. Limits your contact with family and friends, requires you to get permission to leave the house, doesn't
  allow you to work or attend school, and controls your activities and social events. The abuser may ask where
  you've been, track your time and whereabouts, check the odometer on your car or prevent you from using the car. 
  Abuser might refuse to buy a car for you when you ask him. He might even says "Hell, no I will never buy a car
  for you because you will never be home."
• Children as pawns. Accuses you of bad parenting, threatens to take the children away, uses the children to
  relay messages, or threatens to report you to children's protective services.
• Economic abuse. It will only escalate domestic violence during economic hardship like if the abuser loses his job. Abuser will control finances, refuse to share money, take the credit cards, make you account for money spent and he wll not want you to work outside the home. The abuser may also try to sabotage your work performance by forcing you to miss work or by calling you frequently at work. The abuser may play with the mechanics of your car so it will not work at all after pretending he was trying to fix the car. This was his plan from the beginning. The abuser might take the air out of the tires of your car when you are not looking or during the night which leaves you without a transportation to get to work. Of course, the abuser is quick to come to the rescue when you call for help to get the air back into the tires because he wants you feel that you can not live without such amiracle helper!

Breaking the cycle is difficult, but it's possible with help

•  Your abuser strikes using words or actions.
•  Your abuser may beg for forgiveness, gives you lavish gifts or promise to change but does not change.
• Your abuser becomes tense, angry or depressed.
• Your abuser repeats the abusive behavior. 

Typically each time the abuse occurs, it worsens, and the cycle shortens. As it gets worse, you may have a hard time
doing anything about the abuse or even acknowledging it. Over time, an abusive relationship can break you down and
unravel your sense of reality and self-esteem. You may begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You will
start feel hopeless and depressed.

This can be paralyzing, and you may feel helpless or as though your only option is to stay in the abusive situation. It's
important to recognize that you may not be in a position to resolve the situation on your own. But you can do
something about it or the abuse will continue. Leaving the abusive relationship may be the only way to break the cycle.
There are many government and private agencies provide resources and support to women who are abused and
their children. These resources include 24-hour telephone hot lines, shelters, counseling and legal services. Many of
these services are free and can provide immediate assistance.

You must create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous so plan it ahead. You're the only one who knows the safest time to leave. You 
may know you are in an abusive relationship and realize you need to leave as soon as you safely can. Or, you may be 
concerned about your partner's behavior and think you may need to get out at some point in the future. Either way, 
being prepared really can help you leave quickly if you need to. Consider taking these precautions:

• Arrange a safety signal with a neighbor as an alert to call the police if necessary.
• Prepare an emergency package that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes, important 
  papers, passports, documents,  insurance cards, money, checkbook, credit cards, extra keys and prescription
  medications. Take financial investment papers with you if you have them in your name such as 401K, IRA,
  stocks or bonds in case you need to cash it later. Take important phone numbers with you. Take a cell phone
  and a lap top with you if you have it. Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have
  to leave in the middle of the night.
• Call a local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to find out about
  legal options and resources available to you, before you need them. Figure out now where you can stay safely so
  the abuser does not know where you are. Know which local hotels, motels or women's shelters are closest to you
  and mark it on a map.
• If you have school-age children, notify the school authorities or school counselor about custody arrangements and 
  warn them about possible threats.
• Move out of town or move to another country if necessary.
• Change your name, identity or go under the radar. There are more tips on that in protect your privacy
• Make plans also to change your appearance if needs such as the following: cut your hair, color your hair or use a wig. Change your wardrope and appearance entirely which can be done without going under the knife for plastic surgery. Also, make up can do wonders. Dress up in different customs. Hey is it Halloween Yet? Make it fun!
  

Make sure to keep your communication very private

Your abuser might monitor mail, telephone and Internet communication. Take precautions to help maintain your
privacy and safety by following these steps.

Don't be surprise if your telephone conversations are monitored

• Don't make long-distance phone calls from home. Your abuser could trace the calls to find out where you're
  
going.
• Be cautious when using a cell phone. Your abuser may be able to intercept conversations using a scanner. 
Switch to a corded phone if you're relaying sensitive information because they are safer.

• Be aware of controlling use of your cell phone. Your abuser may use frequent cell phone conversations or
  text messages to monitor and control your activities. An abuser may also check your cell phone to see who has
  called, or attempt to check your messages.

Plan your computer use carefully

If you think your abuser is monitoring your computer use, the safest bet is to access a computer at a friend's house or 
at the library. If you do use a shared home computer, there are several steps you can take to help maintain your privacy:

• Use a Web-based program for e-mail. Programs such as Outlook Express, Netscape Mail and Eudora store 
  sent and received e-mails on your computer. A Web-based e-mail service is safer. Most of these services like 
  Gmail, Hotmail andYahoo mail all do offer free e-mail accounts.
• Store files on the Internet. You can store files online and access them from any computer. This includes files 
  like resumes, letters, photoes, videos, or scanned  documents. It is really great for extra backup. A few companies
  that offer this service are www.carbonate.com   www.Backup.com   www.HyperOffice.com Then there is
www.Windows Live Sky Drive.com which is 5GB of FREE storage online and it is available in 62 countries. You
can also store documents as attachments in e-mail programs but that is not as good.
• Call long distance, including International calls, for pennies or for free on the Internet by using 
  www.skype.com. You will need to open up an account with them and buy a headset to plug into the computer to 
do it. Headsets are available at electronic stores, Walmart or skype.com.
• Great search tool to help you find things such as apartments, hotels, jobs, etc. while you can be doing something else.
• Change your password often. Choose passwords that would be impossible to guess. The safest passwords
  contain at least six characters, both numbers and letters. Avoid easily guessed numbers and sequences.
• Clear your Web-browser history. Browsers such as Internet Explorer or Netscape Navigator keep a record 
  of the Web pages and documents you have accessed. They also store graphics of images you look at. You can 
  also use erase your internet tracks to clear your Internet records. 
• Clear your document history. Applications such as Word or Excel keep a record of edited documents. Don't
  store or edit any documents you don't want your abuser to see on a shared computer.

Here is where you can find help right now (along with the resources in the beginning)

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE, or (800) 799-7233. There are more hotlines listed at
  the top of this page as well as Child Abuse Hotlines They provide crisis intervention and referrals to in-state or out-of-state resources, such as women's shelters or crisis centers.
• Your doctor or hospital emergency room. Treats any injuries and refers you to safe housing and other local
  resources.
• Local women's shelter or crisis center. Typically provides 24-hour, emergency shelter for you and your 
  children, advice on legal matters, advocacy and support services, and evaluation and monitoring of abusers. Know
  that all shelters might be full but they will do their best to help you. Some shelters have staff members who speak 
  multiple languages.
• Counseling or mental health center. Most communities have agencies that provide individual counseling and
  support  group to women in abusive relationships. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. This
  isn't appropriate for resolving problems of violence in intimate relationships.
• Local court. Your district court can help you obtain a court order, which legally mandates the abuser stay away
  from you or face arrest. These are typically called orders for protection or restraining orders. Advocates are available
  in many communities to help you complete the paperwork and guide you through the court process. Know though
  that restraining orders will not keep you safe from a criminal. Some women have been killed even though they had a
  restraining order against that person.
• Books and online resources. Learning more about how to cope with your situation and communicating with 
  others who understand what you're going through can help you make make the move.
  
  Here is a small example of useful things to take along with you if you can.
  

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